I think more than any other time in my life, even the times when life was harder than it is now. I think because I asked him to.
The Bible says draw nigh to God and he will draw to you. He is such a good God, merciful and full of grace.
He did, draw nigh.
The messages and sermons, devotions and testimonies that I’ve heard these last few years, well since I was saved really, have all wet my thirst for this joy.
Pastor preached a series not long ago on the glory of God. Needless to say it was powerful in my life. At the same time I was reading two books ,one an imagined account of Aaron, Moses and Miriam, the other was a book called Idols of the heart.
I am always amazed how the Holy Spirit ties things together for me. How he teaches through his Word and illustrates with the books I read and the preaching I hear.
Through the series of messages on God’s glory I became moved to ask God, to beseech him, to show me his glory. He first showed me how far away from it I was. He showed me idols of my heart, he showed me sin that I needed to repent of, he showed me that I needed him to revive me, that I needed to abide in him daily, moment by moment.
I’m a janitor at our church and school and for eight years I've struggled off and on with doing this work for his glory.
At this specific time I was in my struggling, my complaining, and what it really was, my unbelief that God provides, my rebellion that this plan was unjust and intolerable. I couldn't do it anymore, I get tired of cleaning nearly twenty toilets six days a week let alone all the windows and vacuuming, etc.etc. etc.
I ‘d been this way before and struggled to give it to God for a while, I’d tried to apply, patience to it, contentment, determination, but I always failed and I never had joy.
I read the account of Miriam and Aaron complaining against Moses and God struck Miriam with leprosy, and immediately I knew that is what I deserved! I clean God’s house, I live on his property, I am a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord, but I had dared to complain to God, and wish for other employment. Leprosy was what I deserved but because of Christ, my sin was already covered.
It was as if Jesus said ," Father, I've already paid for her sins. She has accepted me . And she wants to know you, bless her for me, Father." And he did, and has and does. Because of this, I am grateful, and that’s when I feel the joy of my salvation again.
It starts with humble gratitude.
That’s how we are saved, we believe in Jesus, God with us, the holy Spirit convicts us of our sin and we accept Jesus blood as payment rather than what we deserve, and we do this in humble gratitude.